Challenges*

So as most of you know, I've been working on my mission papers for quite some time now. For those of you who are special enough to know me personally (Lol), you would know that I had this timeline in my head of when my papers were supposed to be done & when I was supposed to be out by. Well recently nothing was falling into place. If it was not one thing then it was something else. I started to get discouraged...totally thought Satan would forget about me and let me sly on by but nope, he remembered me & worked hard on my heart.

After moving wards, stakes, hospitals losing documents, miscommunication and nearly 3 months later of my papers being completed I was finally able to sit down with my Stake President.

We spoke and he gave me a lot of readings to do to help me understand how I can be a powerful missionary. Then he gave me 3 challenges:

• Pray & fast that whereever you are called to that you will know without a shadow of a doubt that thats where our Heavenly Father needs you to be <3
• Pray & fast that you will immediately L O V E the people you serve <3
• Pray & fast that before you enter the MTC, you will know that you were instrumental in bringing someone into the waters of baptism<3

I thought to myself, Yeah I can totally do this, piece of cake. Then he hit me with the question: "Sister Matagi-Magalei, have you read the Book Of Mormon?" He could tell I didn't, even before I answered "Not cover to cover."Then he smiled at me and said "I can't send you on your mission until you finish the Book of Mormon. I have faith that it will be done by the final interview we have...which will be a week from today."

I could've been mad, given up, trashed my papers, done everything negative. But for some reason, the spirit filled my heart and humbled it <3 All this time I was discouraged because things weren't going the way that I planned and according to MY time when really it was never up to me. Its up to my Heavenly Father & everything that happens is for a purpose & only a purpose that only HE can see <3 How selfish was I to be upset about things :/

I love this gospel and the lessons it teaches me everyday <3 I am grateful for the trials, hardships and challenges, I have to go through because I know its only to help shape me into the person my Heavenly Father needs me to be <3 Only God knows what we need and I am soooooo grateful to have Him on my side as I take on these challenges one at a time <3

If there is one thing I know, its this: I Was Born To Make Mistakes, Not Fake Perfection <3

I Can Do All Things Through Him Who Strengthens Me <3

"Waiting"

I've always thought that waiting for a missionary meant that your life revolved around letters, packages & making sure he knew that you were still focused on him and that nothing was going to change that. Its been 6 months everyone, 6 whole months that my missionary has been out in the mission field & so much has changed. 

Since before Elder Fitisemanu left, I had this mentality in my head of how Missionary Girlfriends were supposed to be & how they were supposed to wait. So for the first 1/4 of his mission, I did just that. I wrote him everyday...yes, I thought I was rich & paid for the stamps to write him that often. I sent him packages every month making sure he knew that I was still thinking of him. When guys would ask me on dates, I would quickly say 'No Thanks' because I had a missionary & when you have a missionary, youre not supposed to go on dates (At least, thats what I thought) On weekends, you'd find me in my room, watching our favorite movies, eating our favorite foods....just counting down the minutes, hours, days til March 21, 2014 <3 Because thats what I thought Missionary Girlfriends were supposed to do.

Then I moved home & started working crazy hours. Most of all, I started working on my mission papers. My time was being sucked up around me and I soon realized that I didnt have time to mope around. I think he saw that, so he began to get worried. One of my coworkers had told one of my friends that Missionaries shouldnt have someone "waiting" for them because they never reach their full potential. Why? because they'll always have them in the back of their mind & never really be focused on the work. Before, if someone told me this, I would've been super offended & told him off on the spot (Refer to this post: Missionary Girlfriends* ) Lol But now that I'm working on my papers myself, I see what he's talking about. So now instead of being upset, I was more understanding <3

I guess where I'm going with this is, in order for Elder Fitisemanu & I to fully become the people we need to be for eachother, he needs to grow there & I need to grow here. He needs to focus on himself & the Lord, its only 18 more months & I dont want him worrying about me anymore & if you know Elder Fitisemanu, you know that he worries about me like no other & I dont want that for him, at least not right now<3 Im a girl, so of course I'm going to want to talk to him every chance I get, but I realized how that was the human wantings in me rather than the spiritual ones & I know that we can't afford to lose out on these blessings <3 With me, I feel that, inorder for me to grow I need to put myself out there & take advantage of what Heavenly Father places in front of me instead of push it away/lock myself in my room because thats what I thought I was supposed to do.

I turned to my Patriarchal blessing & it said that during my youth and young adult life, that Heavenly Father is going to surround me with peers & a selected people & its my duty to use the skills he gave me in heaven to shape these people into the people Heavenly Father needs them to be <3 How special right? :') After counselling with my parents, they advised me that my Patriarchal blessing was right & that I can't just be hiding from the world....waiting for March 21, 2014 to roll around.

So to make it clear to everyone who's questioning, I'm still waiting for Elder Fitisemanu, just not the way most of us, especially he and I thought waiting should be <3 I know that theres going to be a lot of people talking & a lot of judgement going around but we both decided that this was the best thing for us <3 We'll write when we can, send packages when needed but as for being other things, its different. Just because we put our lives together on pause, doesn't mean that we have to put our lives in general on pause too <3 

So do I have a "boyfriend" ? Not Really. 

But I have a best-friend....I have a missionary <3

& thats what it should've been like in the beginning<3

Its hard to explain the title that we have now, I guess you could say that were just on a 2 year break (actually 18 month break now:)) If that makes any sense. Either way I know everything will work out as needed <3 

No matter what happens, I will always love Elder Fitisemanu <3 No doubt about that & although things are changing I know that its for a purpose and only a purpose that Heavenly Father can see <3 :') In the end I know its going to be worth it. 

So heres to the new "Waiting" for Elder Fitisemanu <3 Instead of counting down days, making the days count <3 I Love You, Always Will <3 Looking at March 21, 2014 in a newer, better & most of all Eternal way :')

One Wing.

If you haven't heard the song One Wing by Jordin Sparks, then go to Youtube & listen to it as you read this blog post. Or you can just keep skipping the songs below til it reaches One Wing <3 It seriously explains my current feelings, plus I think it'll really set the mood just right. Lol

Since my last post, I think it's safe to say that I've been flying on One Wing. I've reached a crossroad in my life where I had to make hard decisions & I was hoping that whoever reads this, could help. Wow, this sounds so serious when its not. Lol But it's a question and a decision that every MG & Missionary avoid talking about..

"Is it okay for you to date, if you are waiting for a Missionary?"

When I first started this wait, this journey with my missionary, I was all for Missionary GFs just staying home in their rooms, blogging, counting down days, having a cry or two. Lol I admit, I did this for the past few months. It seemed to be perfectly fine with me, until I was asked on a date to a ball :/ I didn't want to go. Friday Night for me consisted of me just staying home, listening to slow jams and writing my missionary <3

I talked to everyone who knew my situation and 90% of them told me that it was okay to go. But I still had that guilt in my heart :( I couldn't do it but then again I couldn't say no because I didn't want to be that girl...but I also didn't want to be that Missionary Girlfriend. You Know?

After pressure, reassurrance, and a change of heart, I ended up going. 

Judging me yet?

I changed my perspective because my mom hit me with a commandment that I shouldnt stay idle. Haha Leave it to her right? People are encouraging me to still put myself out there, and that its okay because they all know Kalani is going to be the one I marry <3 "What if you are the lesson that God is trying to teach them? & you staying home, being idle, is robbing them of that?"

I dont know what to do, am I overthinking this, blowing it up over nothing? I'm open to your opinion :) No matter what it will ALWAYS be Kalani <3 No doubt. 

One Wing, Two Wings, Or No Wings, I'll still find a way to fly <3

I will always love you, Elder Fitisemanu <3

Make-Over*

It's been way too long.

Things are somewhat different now.

A lot has changed, but I can honestly say that it's for the better <3

I still have a missionary to support & love, so don't worry about that :')

I guess what I mean is that my standards have gotten higher, my testimony has gotten stronger &  I've learned to deal with distance & seperation. Everything is going great actually <3 I got a calling in my ward to be the Primary Secretary. I'm not going to lie, its hard work, but I can already see & feel the blessings after accepting the call :)

 I took my mission photos last week which was crazy because it slowly began to hit me of how close I was of being done <3 I'm now just awaiting the Stake to give me a call to set up my last appointment before my papers are officially in <3 It was a long & hard journey but I am so glad that they are done &  I can just wait <3 I've been drowning myself in work which helps a lot with time :) Although I am exhausted by the end of the day & week, when it comes to Sundays, it only makes me appreciate it that much more <3 I absolutely love Sundays & I feel like they should have more Sundays throughout the week <3 Lol

Elder Fitisemanu is doing great! Still healthy, still strong, still the missionary I'm waiting for :') Every letter I get, his testimony grows & I love seeing the change...the make-over <3

I was inspired to do some self evaluations that has helped me figure out whats important in my life & rid myslef of the things that were not. I gave my blog a make-over! Its a nice change & hopefully it motivates me to blog more! Lol. I've been so bad at this but atleast I can say that its for a good reason right! :')

A lot of things are changing & I dont know whats going to happen. But I do know that I have a missionary to pray for & I need to do everything that I can to join him to serve our Heavenly Father who has never let us down <3 I cannot wait to be part of Gods Army & be able to have the best spiritual make-over that I can ever imagine <3

Vicodin*

I honestly had no idea that people really do read my blog,  until a couple of people this week came up to me and asked 'Why Haven't You Been Blogging!?' Lol Yes, I feel special that you, whoever is reading this now, take the time to read about my life. Haha I seriously thought of this as somewhat of a pass time for me but now to know that I do have listeners, I'll be sure to blog more :) 

So remember how in my last post I said I was gonna blog a lot because I got my teeth pulled? Wellll turns out that the drug, Vicodin, makes you superrrrr sleepy, hence I slept most of the time :/ Haha Total fail!

In other news, I am 90% recovered from my wisdom teeth being pulled :) My face has swelled down, the pain is not that bad, and the 10% left to recover is just when I can really eat anything I want. Haha Thats the only downside of it, is not being able to eat what I usually eat. Since working, I have gone on this Funnion Phase. You know, the onion ring chips that come in those yellow bags? Yeah, I dont know why, but my taste buds have been only wanting to eat that, and now since my wisdom teeth have been out, I have been going through withdrawals because I have to stay away from chips, nuts, etc. Sigh. But in due time, I will have it and it will be awesome :) Hahaha

My last appointment is August 1, to get 2 caps on my back teeth and when thats done, my papers will be ready to turn in the following Sunday <3 I am sooooo excited for it, its crazy to think that I am so close in being done yet so far. 

My Missionary is continuing to do great <3 His letters make me stronger and I know that Heavenly Father is keeping him safe :) He's had a few baptisms & says he just loves the people there! I am so proud of him! 

Well there you have it...for now atleast. Lol

Love This Gospel <3

Love My Missionary <3

Quick & Painless*

Well Hello My Fellow Readers :)

Just wanted to stop by & let everyone know that things are okay! Im so sorry for the slacking of posts but I'll be better at it this weekend because I'll have more time to write :) Why you ask? Wellllll, I got my wisdom teeth pulled yesterday for my mission papers & I was able to take a few days off of work, so YAYYYY for down time right? The surgery was quick and painless but the post recovery is kicking me in the butt. Lol

Everything is pretty much the same, Im working a lot, I got a job promotion at one of my jobs which is such a blessing! I picked up more hours to stay busy, so now I work 11 hours a day, 6 days a week, which is 66 hours a week! Holy smokes right!? Lol

My missionary is doing well <3 He writes every week letting me know he's doing just fine :') Im so happy! Things are going great and Heavenly Father is such a huge part of that so I hope you stay close to Him <3 

Just today I found a hidden note in my wallet from my missionary & I cried <3 Its simple things like this help make this 'wait' just like my surgery, quick & painless <3

& So They Begin*

This post is going to be short and simple because I think the picture speaks for itself :)

I started my Mission Papers! :) <3 So far everything is completed, all I need is my dental done which is coming up in the next couple of weeks :) I went into the dentist last week & I totally didnt think that I needed to get my wisdom teeth pulled because they havent came out yet AND they dont cause me any problems...yeah that was a big SIKE to my face! Lol Apparently I have a rare set of wisdom teeth because theyre growing sideways not upwards? So I have to go see a specialist to have surgery :( I'll be having a consultation in the next few days to see if Im okay to be put asleep during it. Sigh. I just keep reminding myself that this is for my Heavenly Father <3

Since my dad is part of the bishopbric for one of the student wards at BYU-Hawaii, he has been helping me with this process & I find that such a blessing <3 Its nice to have that support and connection :) Even though I dont turn 21 til December, my dad said for me to just turn it in once theyre done and deal with them denying it til they accept it. Lol The plan was to turn it in in September because thats 3 months prior to my bday but it looks like theyll be done and turned in by the end of next month <3 But we'll see :)

I am so excited! I cant wait to serve as a part of Gods army, along side my cousins & my missionary <3  I know its going to be a long & hard journey but I also know that it will be worth it <3 

& So My Mission Papers Begin <3 :')

2605 Miles*

If you don't already know, my Elder is now in Samoa, now serving the people God called him to serve, and now 2,605 miles away <3

Being busy with work has been good because its somewhat replaced that emptiness that I have been feeling. It lets me get my mind off of distance & time-so its been so far so good:) Before, I never used to believe people when they said that things would get easier, because those who know me, know that I am a drama queen when it comes to stuff like this. Lol I dont deal well with people leaving, I think thats a major weakness of mine. But thank goodness for work right!

When I find myself worrying, the spirit finds its way to me to comfort me and let me know that everything is okay or that it will be <3 Yes, its true, the first month is really the hardest and then it really does get easier :') Of course you're going to have those days where all you want to do is eat ice cream all day and look at photos of you guys together while listening to A Thousand Years By. Christina Perri Lol And that is totally fine <3 I feel like we all need a good cry once in a while <3

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you somewhat get used to him being away and not in any bad way but you just get used to missing him <3 You learn how to cope with the distance and you learn how to be patient, which I feel is such a huge thing to be. If it wasnt for my Heavenly Father, I wouldnt have Elder Fitisemanu in the first place, and all He asks of me is 2 years to be patient for the Eternal Companion my Heavenly Father is trying to shape him to be, for me :')  <3

I know that things will get easier, because it already has. And I know that if I continue to stay patient, focused and faithful, that the blessings will be sweet <3 Now that I look at it, 2,605 Miles doesnt seem so far apart after all <3 :')

Falling More In Love*

It's official...my Elder is now in Samoa<3

As the days got closer to him leaving the MTC, my nerves started to kick in. I think I felt every emotion known to mankind lol I was happy, nervous, anxious, sad, etc. Since Kalani was in the MTC, he wasn't able to call or skype on Mothers Day. I cannot tell you how many textes, posts, messages, etc., I got in regards to wishing me luck or just the excitement people felt for me because they knew that he was going to call when he left the MTC this past Wednesday.

Since I knew this, I took 2 of my 3 jobs off lol. I woke up early and got ready for the day...the day I was waiting 9 weeks for:') Noon passed and I still received no call. I was nervous because I needed to be at my last job by 5 & I was scared that he was going to call me while I was there. I wanted to make sure that we had enough time to talk so I prayed and prayed that he would atleast call before I went in and if he didn't then I would atleast want a confirmation that he was safe<3

Then it happened...

My phone finally rang, playing that ringtone that I missed hearing so much<3 I was so happy, I had to take a picture before I answered! Lol To get all my other MG's excited:) The feeling is hard to explain and can only be felt when you experience it for yourself.

We talked. We cried. We laughed. We made the best of our time. All I can say is, it was special<3

I remember when I first fell in love with this guy...as time went on, I didn't think I could ever fall any more deeper in love with him:') That was until I was able to talk to him this week. Talking to him that day was different then all the other times because I wasn't talking to him as my "boyfriend" I was talking to him as my missionary<3 There was something different about the way he talked, not just about/to me but about things in general, I soon realized that it was because he was speaking through the mouthpiece of Christ<3 :') I wish I could explain it more in depth but theres no words that can describe it at all.

I am so grateful for the opportunity that I had to talk to him and feel of his spirit and his example<3 He's not the same guy I dropped off at the MTC 9 weeks ago, he's better and I couldn't be more proud of him than I am right now<3 Just when I thought I couldn't fall in love with him any more, hearing him speak as a missionary changed all that<3 I love you Elder Fitisemanu:') 

One Day Closer*

So remember that time when I didnt have a life? The life where I got to blog every single day to explain my life? Where all I did was CRY my eyeballies out because of how much I missed Kalani? Well my life has completed changed, except the part where I miss Kalani<3 Lol 

It's changed because I went from having soooo much time to myself to pretty much having NO time to myself Lol. Working full time is...crazy. And no not the kind of 8-5 full time job, I'm talking about the kind where I wake up at 6:00 and dont return home til 10:00 at night. It's so exhausting but I know it'll get better...I hope. Lol

On the BRIGHTER side, My Elder is coming up to his 9th week in the MTC:') Ahhhh!!!!! Tomorrow he makes 2 months! Which meeeeansss, he is finally leaving the MTC and going to Samoa:') <3 Wednesday is the day, so you already know I took the entire day off *wink wink! Lol I am so excited for him and so proud of him<3 He seriously brings out the best of me and makes me so happy, and he's not even here to do it<3 I can't believe how fast time is going here, and I cannot wait to see the adventures that happen over the next few months:')

I'm not gonna lie, I have those days where I really miss him, but then I remember what were working for<3 I love being busy though, because the waiting doesnt seem as hard as it was before <3 Now that I feel like things are finally on its course, I can genuinely smile and say today was better than yesterday, because its one day closer to seeing my missionary again<3 :')

Bits & Pieces*

Can you say M.I.A.!? Lol I am going through blogging withdrawals so I think I should make a quick blog update of my life so far:) Cause I know that youre all dyyyyying to know;) Lol

1. If you don't already know, I am back in Hawai'i<3 Getting my tan on, cause you and I both know it's much needed. 

2. One of my childhood, best, close, whatever you wanna call it, friend, was sealed to her sweetheart! We're so happy for you Eleni Toluta'u, aka. The New Mrs/ Tukuafu<3 Still can't believe you're married!

3. The second week home, I finally decided to find a job AND I got hired on the spot! Lol I'll be making use of my major at Dr. Schlacters and also living my passion by dancing for the Polynesian Culture Center...AGAIN haha Soooo if you're ever in town, come visit me!:)

4. I got a new scent! Lol Scents are seriously like my thing, haha. My signature (yes, I have a signature smell, I promise haha) is Pure Seduction from Victorias Secret* You dont believe me? Ask anyone who's close to me! Lol Then I was into Heat By. Beyonce, but she broke my wallet. Nowwww I'm loving my new and improved Paris Amour from Bath and Body Works<3 New smells do wonders:)

5. I joined as much networks as I can to suck up my time but now that I have 2 jobs, well you know the rest. I really want you to follow me:) Lol & I will follow back, I promise!

Instagram: queen_ayesha

Tumblr: http://alohayesha.tumblr.com/

Blogspot: http://waiting4myelder.blogspot.com/

6. Last but not least, My missionary sent me the cutest package:') Which I love love love<3 But I will post on that later<3 Isn't he handsome!?!? *sigh

So far, my stay here has been really busy! I remember reading other MG's blogs on how they're so busy and I only wished that I could be that busy too...now that I am all I want to do his sleep! Lol Time is going by so fast, it's crazy! My Elder has been gone for over 7 weeks now and it's crazy to think that I have survived this long<3 Lol Although I miss Utah and its "conveniences", I do love being home and being around my immediate family<3 I know these next few months will be challenging, especially preparing for my mission, but I know everything will be worth it in the end<3 

With that being said, here's to the Bits & Pieces that I know will add up to Big Blessings<3 

Giving In*

Alright I gave in. Yes, its actually happening....I made myself a TUMBLR! Lol So please follow me:)

Make All Your Dreams Come True---> Here<3!:)

If you're not already following this blog, then go ahead and click follow...you know you wanna:) 

& if you have instagram, follow queen_ayesha :) I will follow back! It's all about following! Lol

It's crazy because now I am just joining anything that I can, that will suck up my time;) Lol Pretty crazy, I know. But so far its working! haha

I'm sorry for being M.I.A, but I am in the process of posting an update<3 So be sure to look out for that* Love you guys!

Xoxo;

Ayesha:)

PS. Happy Birthday to my Handsome Nephew D'Zion Prince Malakai Seui-Taukolo<3 

One Way Ticket*

As I sat at the Salt Lake City Airport waiting for my flight back to my homelands of Lai'e, Hawai'i, I was blessed to be in the presence of some of Gods chosen servants<3 I couldn't help but hold back the tears as I saw missionaries leaving, or more so returning home:') The spirit that they carried with them reflected off of them to me and then it hit me...my Elder is one of them and is part of that same army<3 I cannot describe the feeling and all I can say is I'm a sucker for being a crybaby. Lol

My mind began to drift, back to when I first moved to Utah back in September of 2009. I couldn't believe how fast the time flew by and how much I had grown. I knew I was going to miss this place a lot and saying goodbye to it was really hard. I have grown to love Salt Lake and its become my second home so now that I have just a One Way Ticket, it's kind of hard to accept that I won't be coming back.

I found it somewhat easier being in Salt Lake and knowing that Elder Fitisemanu was just a few towns over in Provo. I honestly thought it would be harder but it wasn't at all, I mean just to know that he's somewhat near, lessens the worries. Now that I am going to be farther away, I know that it will get a little harder but I also know it'll all turn out to be just fine:')

As I think more about it, I realized that one of the biggest reasons why it was going to be hard to leave Utah was because Utah was just Kalani & I, if that makes any sense. With me being from Hawai'i and him being from California, Utah was where we first met & it's been the place that created MOST of our memories together<3 It's where he asked me to be his, where we shared our first kiss, where we struggled and learned, where we opened his mission call, where we grew to not only love eachother but to learn to truly love & trust in our Savior<3 It's hard to pick up and leave from the place that created US<3 :') It's crazy to think of how much memories Salt Lake City, or just Utah and the Mainland in general, has.

Although I am going to miss this place like crazy, I am so grateful for all the things that I have learned here. I am grateful to my family, who never failed to look after me and who took such good care of me while I was here. I am grateful to LDS Business College, for teaching me that no matter what, God loves me and will always be there in my time of need. You would think that school was the place that taught you how to write essays, how to  solve math equations and etc., and although this college has taught me that, it really taught me more about bettering my relationship with my Savior<3 and words cannot express how eternally grateful I am for that:')

My chapter here in Utah is now closed and a new chapter is starting back home in Hawai'i and I look forward to the blessings of preparing for a mission<3 :') Although I am leaving, Utah will always have a special place in my heart, and don't worry, I will be back:') Thank you Salt Lake City! I miss you already.

Missionary Girlfriends*

I got a letter from my Elder today and he wrote about this past Sunday's Fireside. He said that the speaker asked all the missionaries a few questions and to stand if it applied to them. It went like this:

"How many of you here like the MTC food?"

*Kalani didn't stand Lol

"How many of you think that the food will get better once you get out in the mission field?"

*Kalani stood up

"How many of you have gotten Dear John'ed?"

*Kalani, of course stayed seated :)"

"And my last question, how many of you have that 'special someone' waiting for you back home?"

*Kalani stood up...proudly, duh! ;)

Then the guy went out

to say "You must be the same missionaries who think that the food will get better in the mission field."

RUDEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was soooo mad! Kalani went on to write how sad he felt and how he wanted to punch the guy in the face. Lol But apparently that guy got Dear John'ed and so his whole talk was based on why there should be no such thing as Missionary Girlfriends/Boyfriends. He told all the missionaries that come Monday, which was the next day, that whatever they got in the mail was going to determine their relationship with that special person. Kalani told me he was so nervous that he didn't even want to check the mail</3 I dont know why he listened to that fwam! Annoying! But anyways he built up the courage to finally do it and when he got there he just started crying. Why? Well because he got my 1 month package that I sent:') I was so upset that I missed the deadline on Saturday because that was  when he hit 1 month remember? and the place I dropped it off do same day delivery to the MTC. Anyways, since they already delivered for that day they told me he would for sure get it on Monday. So what are the odds right? I was making a fit because he didnt get it on his actual 1 month, but little did I know he needed it more on Monday:') While other missionaries were worried about their letters from their girlfriend, analyzing every word they said, mine got a package like a boss! Lol And all his worries went away<3 God truly does work in mysterious ways* So now I want to write some things you should NEVER tell a missionary girlfriend or even her missionary!

1. Don't ever tell her that it's not going to work out! Especially if you JUST met her. Judging her off the bat is not helpful and she will either walk away in tears or be like me and punch you in the face.

2. Don't already assume that you know her and then tell her a story of how you were Dear John'ed or how you know someone who has. Frankly, she could care less and that is the last story she would ever want to hear and that would be the last words you would ever say to her.

3. Don't tell her that she's not going to last or that she will find someone else! First off, you don't know her heart and its capabilities. You are selfish if you tell her this. It's offensive!

4. Don't tell her that things will change between the both of them. It's not like she hasn't heard this before and in her eyes, the only way things will change, if BY SOME FREEKIN MIRACLEdo, it will only change by growing more.

5. Don't ever give her scenarios"If another dream guy comes along, and he steals your heart, will you still wait for your missionary!?" I cannot tell you how many "What If's" questions I have gotten, even before Kalani left! If another guy comes along, whoopdeedoolah! That will never change my feelings for my missionary<3 and I will never give any other guy the chance to 'sweep me off my feet.'

6. Don't ever tell her that she needs to write off her missionary because she's a distraction. You have no idea what he or she needs and you have no idea what their situation may be so shaaaddddap.

This leads me to my next statement

7. Don't, I repeat, DON'T, ever tell her that she's a distraction! You don't know one thing about their relationship so please keep this comment to yourself.

You're probably thinking "Well rules are rules and these types of girls are so naive and blah blah blah" Like I said, we've heard it before. I read a talk on Missionary Girlfriends and if its good to have them or not and this gentlemen said: "I don't believe in missions having missionaries break up with their special person. Infact, I believe in missionaries praying together with their 'other half' and asking God to help them figure out their next move. The real question is this: 'What makes you a better missionary? Staying with her and having her support or leaving her and moving on?'" So ask your missionary this and I hope you think about this in a whole new light. I'm sorry if I offended anyone, I just needed to vent it out somewhere. All I ask is that you please reconsider your advice to us missionary girlfriends before you start handing them out. If you're not here to support us let us know and we will be glad to remove you from our lives:)

Every story is different, I understand that and I understand that some of these relationships really don't work out but I know with all my heart that mine will. Call me naive, gullible, stupid whatever...but when that day comes where I walk hand in hand out of the La'ie Temple sealed to my best-friend, Elder Fitisemanu, you're going to think back and say "Wow, she was right." <3

I Think I'm Going To Cry*

Today is the 21st of April....My Elder reported on the 21st of March...which means today marks 1 month!<3 Hence, I think I'm going to cry:') Lol I never ever thought that I was going to make it but I did and I couldn't be more happier:')

I remember crying at school to friends and people who over heard our conversation would say "Awww you're waiting for a missionary!? How long has he been out? Sounds to me like he's been out a while!" I just look at them, trying not to cry, and reply "only 3 days!!!!" Lol Now at least I got 1 month down and 23 more to go<3 

I have so many count down methods its not even funny. Lol Actually, no it is, hahaha. I count down actual months (21st of the month), I count fast-sundays, I count weeks, and last but not least, I count General Conferences<3 :') So all in all I have 23 more '21st of the months', almost 22 more fast sundays, 100 more weeks, and 3 more General Conferences<3 :') 

I think I'm going to cry...:')

On another note, my grandma bought me a brand new CTR ring as a graduation present and I absolutely am in love with the cute thing! I wear them both on my ring finger to serve as a daily reminder. My Promise Ring to remind me of my promise to my missionary & my CTR Ring to remind me of my promise to the Lord<3 I cannot wait to join his army and serve a full-time mission!:')

It's been a hard but worthwhile month and I am soooo glad it's finally over. I know that if I keep doing what is need to be done, keep my eye single to my missionary and the Lord, that these next 23 months will have NOTHING on me!:') I love my Elder Fitisemanu and I cannot wait to see what these next months have in store for me<3

Taking My Mark

As graduation approached I believed that only my mom, my sister Brooke and my cousin Fuli would be coming from Hawai'i as well as my grandparents to attend. Months before I had wished that all 4 of my brothers AND my dad could come but as time got closer my mom said that it wasn't going to happened. 

The night came to where my mom was to come in and I was able to get dropped off at the airport to greet my mom and Fuli. They came down the escalator and I was in tears already because of something that I had saw when I first got there and don't worry I'll talk about that in another post:) But I helped her with luggage and my mom gave me the phone to talk to my dad. I expressed how much I wish that he and my brothers could be there but said that I would see him in just a few weeks and that I couldnt wait for that. As conversation continued my mom called my name and I turned around and there they were:') My brothers and my dads, smiling and waiting for me to hug and cry to them<3 It was an awesome surprise and I still get goosebumps thinking about it<3 :')

Graduation happened 2 days later and it was amazing. For those of you who don't know, I attended LDS Business College and double majored for the past 3 years. When I finally dropped one, I realized that I still needed to stay an extra year, but enough about that:) The President of our school is President Richards and I swear he's going to be the next General Authority or something! Lol His talk was amazing and he spoke on how he was a swimmer in High school and how there were timers and judges and how swimmers take their mark and prepare for the swim of a lifetime. He applied that to our life and said that this is us taking our mark and that we will have our own personal judges and timers and then he wished us the best of luck<3 It was an awesome talk!

We were fortunate to have Brother Christofferson and Brother Holland of the 12 as well as Brother Hollands wife, present at graduation and their counsel to us was too amazing to explain and put into words<3 When time came to receive my diploma I saw my classmates and friends giving the General Authorities handshakes and I couldnt wait for my turn! I got up, shook President Richards hand and took my picture, trying not to cry. Then I turned around and was greeted by Sister Holland, instead of shaking her hand I hugged her:') Lol And I did that to Brother Holland, Brother Christofferson and everyone else down the line<3 After commencement people came up to me asking "Hey aren't you the girl who straight up hugged all the General Authorities!?:)" Hahaha Dang straight that was me!

Later that night my family held a get together in my honor that consisted of my closest family and friends, 200 people plus showed up lol.

Now that graduation is over its really starting to hit. Its different from graduating from High school, thats for sure. I think the only thing that I am no doubt happy about is...I dont have to do another assignment for at least 2 freekin years! Lol Yayyy for serving missions right?:') Although I miss LDSBC like crazy I will never forget the things that I learned there. I have grown not just physically and emotionally, but most of all spiritually and I think thats whats most important<3 I cannot wait to put the things that I have learned to use as I journey forward to bigger and better things<3 Here is to new goals, new challenges, new experiences and new blessings. I dont know what tomorrow may bring but I hope its good because starting now, I will be taking my mark<3 :')

(yes, I had to wear my Elders tag under my gown, so that I felt that he was there with me:'))

Still Here :)

Hey Everyone! I am still alive, still breathing, still going crazy lol.

Life has been so busy and I kinda like it:) It really helps get my mind off the wait. So when I finally have some down time which would probably be next week I'll update everyone then:) Until then here has whats been going on<3

1. My Brothers surprised me for graduation as well as my ENTIRE family:')

2. I graduated from LDSBC!<3

3. I am now a Certified Medical Office Assistant!

4. I got flowers from a random guy at school (details later, maybe) Lol

5. Im going to Disneyland today and tomorrow!

So can you see how I am just keeping busy! Lol My family was not lying when they told Kalani that they were going to distract me from missing him so much<3 Well people I gotta go, Mickey Mouse is calling<3 :') 

Xoxo; Ayesha

Ring Fingers*

The day before Valentines in 2011, I was driving back from a rugby tournament in Las Vegas. I was scared that I wasn't going to make it back in time to spend our first Valentines together, but I did<3 We talked about giving eachother promise rings when we lived apart a few months before that, but that convo slowly died. Little did he know, I remembered it & bought him his ring when I went back home for Christmas Break<3 Yes, than I hid it for 2 months until Valentines.

We shared a full day of fun memories! He even took me to build a bear (one of my dream dates) and we made a monkey who we named Marley Fitisemanu<3 Lol he sings Love Bug By. Jonas Brothers and also makes Ooh-Ooh-Ah-Ah sounds. Lol AND he took me on a horse carriage ride<3 :') It was such a great day!

That night he surprised me with dinner at the roof of the Joseph Smith building which overlooked the temple and it was breathtaking and perfect<3 Towards the end of dinner I could tell that he was getting nervous and was moving around a lot. Finally he looked at me and said, "Baby, you know that I love you right? and that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I dont know what I would ever do without you..." I just grabbed his hands and smiled. In the mean time he opened up his coat jacket and pulled out a cute silver box. As he slid it over to me, tears filled my eyes as I opened up the tiny box and there it was, the cutest, prettiest little ring. He began to say "Remember when we talked about giving eachother promise rings last year? Well I thought  today would've been the perfect time to get it for you:') I hope its not too much because I know you were worried about it looking too much like an engagement ring." I just cried and told him that it was perfect<3 I can still remember the feelings that I felt and now I cant stop looking at them as I type this:')

He went onto say: "Being that this is a promise ring I wanted to make you promises with it<3 I promise to make you the happiest girl everyday that were together which I am hoping is for eternity." He started crying too. "I promise to love you with all that I have and more and I promise that if you stick with me I will treat you like the Queen you deserve to be:')<3 I promise you that I will leave the world before I leave you<3" We both just sobbed:') It was truly such a sentimental moment and I wish I remembered all the words that were spoken but those were the main things<3 :''')

After a kiss & thank you, I told him that I was so sorry because I didn't get him anything (hehe) but he was totally okay with it and I thought to myself "THIS is why I love him<3"I asked to be excused and then ran to get his present ready in the restroom. Lol I got back to the table and then without saying a word I put the gift bag on the table and he was so shocked! His face was priceless. Lol He opened up the gold box slowly and when I knew he saw the ring he looked up to me and said "I knew we we're meant to be<3" He put the ring on and it fit perfectly, as mine did. I then made my promises. "I promise to love you beyond your past and imperfections:') I promise to support you and be the backbone you need in anything you set your heart to. Most of all, I promise that if you keep your promises in keeping me by your side, I promise that I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that you made the right choice in picking me<3 :')"

With each letter & email that I receive from Elder Fitisemanu, I feel that more promises are added on and I love it<3 As I think back a year ago on that day we made our promises, I can honestly say that til this day, our promises still remain strong<3 :') Why? Well because we are both reminded of it every day  when we look at our Ring Fingers<3 :')

Remember What We're Working For*

Elder Fitisemanu has been out for a total of 19 days which may seem little to you but to a MG (Missionary Girlfriend) like me, that's pretty much forever! So far I have received emails and letters from him and I just love how he always, no matter what, tries to make time for me even out in the mission field<3

With those emails and letters, he and I both end it the same way and yes, I'll share it with you, consider yourself a special reader;) Lol So at the end of our emails/letters we always, without a doubt close with:

"Remember What We're Working For...Eternity<3 :')"

I've been having some bad days lately and I found myself crying more, praying harder and questioning a lot. I feel like my Elder knows exactly how I am feeling, or maybe he's feeling it around the same time and then shoots a letter or email my way letting me know he still loves and misses me and is coming back for me<3 :') When I get those unexpected messages, my whole mood changes and then I see those 6 sweet words at the end: Remember What We're Working For, Eternity<3

When I truly think about that saying, it really puts it into perspective for me that these bad days and even good days is all a part of our goal to Eternity<3 Every lesson that I learn, every experience that I encounter, every minute-day-month-year that I wait for the next 2 years, is for OUR eternity:') And that is what we're working for.

I know the things I go through, hard or easy, that it is all to make me become the person my Heavenly Father wants me to become. If I remain strong and push through, I know that everything else will fall into place. I truly believe that good things fall apart so that better things can fall together and I know that things WILL get better<3 I have an amazing family, supportive friends, the gospel and a handsome missionary<3 What else is there to love?:') For all you MG's, this is just a storm befor a rainbow* Remember what YOU'RE working for and ask yourself if it's really worth it and will it get you into the eternitites? Because I know it will for me<3

I love you Elder Fitisemanu, Working 2 years to eternity:')

On another note, I sent my missionary his first care package! :) The post man said he should get it by his P-Day tomorrow<3 Since graduation is this Friday:') That was the whole plan! His package consisted of our favorite candy, bed sheets, a photo of me in my grad gown, my tassle, 2 invites to my graduation and party, and then a t-shirt from my school that he can wear for P-days and then a tie with my school logo that he can wear on Friday while he's at the MTC so he can think of me that day<3 :') 1 Package down, 23 more to go! <3 Love my missionary!

Heartbeats*

2 weeks down, really? Bittersweet for sure! Bitter because I feel like its been longer than that and then Sweet because I didnt think that I would make it this far without him. Lol Looking at the brighter things...2 weeks closer to coming home, right?:')

People who know Kalani and I they would know that we are seriously joined at the hip. When we first started dating we found out that we shared the same heartbeat<3 Believe it or not, dont be a hater:) We have the same scars and most of our birthmarks in the same places. Its kinda creepy, but a good kind creepy<3 If thats possible lol We would finish eachothers sentences, and shared the relationship where we exchange one look and we would both know what the other was feeling or thinking<3

I'll tell you one story to show how well we know eachother and think alike lol So I flew back to California for his farewell and I wanted a new outfit for it so he took me shopping:') We found the perfect top and now of course a girl needed earrings! Lol We searched high and low for them and we went to Forever 21 and looked throughout the entire accessories section! We had a lot of maybe's and no's. Kalani was on one side of this section and I was on the other. I picked up a pair of earrings and just when I was about to say that I think   I found the pair, HE said it! Lol So we met half way to show eachother our earrings and what do you know, we picked up the SAME exact pair:') We looked up at eachother and smiled and then hugged like stupid idiots...but CUTE stupid idiots:') Lol

I don't think no one will understand our love, well because its ours and I really dont expect people to understand it. But I do expect people to respect it. I was going to make to make this whole post a rant lol BUT as I pondered about this weekend and as I read Kalani's testimony through emails and letters, I humbled myself and realized that I am too good for that and my time is too precious to be wasted on minor temporal things that I know wont get me into the eternities<3 I love my missionary too much to spend energy on this petty stuff. 


This is for US and no one else:') <3 I love you Elder Fitisemanu and I know you're going to hate me for posting that photo of us but you look fine! Lol Xoxo To our heartbeats, because I KNOW these 2 years are going to be worth it<3