"Waiting"

I've always thought that waiting for a missionary meant that your life revolved around letters, packages & making sure he knew that you were still focused on him and that nothing was going to change that. Its been 6 months everyone, 6 whole months that my missionary has been out in the mission field & so much has changed. 

Since before Elder Fitisemanu left, I had this mentality in my head of how Missionary Girlfriends were supposed to be & how they were supposed to wait. So for the first 1/4 of his mission, I did just that. I wrote him everyday...yes, I thought I was rich & paid for the stamps to write him that often. I sent him packages every month making sure he knew that I was still thinking of him. When guys would ask me on dates, I would quickly say 'No Thanks' because I had a missionary & when you have a missionary, youre not supposed to go on dates (At least, thats what I thought) On weekends, you'd find me in my room, watching our favorite movies, eating our favorite foods....just counting down the minutes, hours, days til March 21, 2014 <3 Because thats what I thought Missionary Girlfriends were supposed to do.

Then I moved home & started working crazy hours. Most of all, I started working on my mission papers. My time was being sucked up around me and I soon realized that I didnt have time to mope around. I think he saw that, so he began to get worried. One of my coworkers had told one of my friends that Missionaries shouldnt have someone "waiting" for them because they never reach their full potential. Why? because they'll always have them in the back of their mind & never really be focused on the work. Before, if someone told me this, I would've been super offended & told him off on the spot (Refer to this post: Missionary Girlfriends* ) Lol But now that I'm working on my papers myself, I see what he's talking about. So now instead of being upset, I was more understanding <3

I guess where I'm going with this is, in order for Elder Fitisemanu & I to fully become the people we need to be for eachother, he needs to grow there & I need to grow here. He needs to focus on himself & the Lord, its only 18 more months & I dont want him worrying about me anymore & if you know Elder Fitisemanu, you know that he worries about me like no other & I dont want that for him, at least not right now<3 Im a girl, so of course I'm going to want to talk to him every chance I get, but I realized how that was the human wantings in me rather than the spiritual ones & I know that we can't afford to lose out on these blessings <3 With me, I feel that, inorder for me to grow I need to put myself out there & take advantage of what Heavenly Father places in front of me instead of push it away/lock myself in my room because thats what I thought I was supposed to do.

I turned to my Patriarchal blessing & it said that during my youth and young adult life, that Heavenly Father is going to surround me with peers & a selected people & its my duty to use the skills he gave me in heaven to shape these people into the people Heavenly Father needs them to be <3 How special right? :') After counselling with my parents, they advised me that my Patriarchal blessing was right & that I can't just be hiding from the world....waiting for March 21, 2014 to roll around.

So to make it clear to everyone who's questioning, I'm still waiting for Elder Fitisemanu, just not the way most of us, especially he and I thought waiting should be <3 I know that theres going to be a lot of people talking & a lot of judgement going around but we both decided that this was the best thing for us <3 We'll write when we can, send packages when needed but as for being other things, its different. Just because we put our lives together on pause, doesn't mean that we have to put our lives in general on pause too <3 

So do I have a "boyfriend" ? Not Really. 

But I have a best-friend....I have a missionary <3

& thats what it should've been like in the beginning<3

Its hard to explain the title that we have now, I guess you could say that were just on a 2 year break (actually 18 month break now:)) If that makes any sense. Either way I know everything will work out as needed <3 

No matter what happens, I will always love Elder Fitisemanu <3 No doubt about that & although things are changing I know that its for a purpose and only a purpose that Heavenly Father can see <3 :') In the end I know its going to be worth it. 

So heres to the new "Waiting" for Elder Fitisemanu <3 Instead of counting down days, making the days count <3 I Love You, Always Will <3 Looking at March 21, 2014 in a newer, better & most of all Eternal way :')