Ever since I was little I set goals for myself. I set my standards high and I wasn't going to let anything stop me. Why? Because I didn't want to live my life with any regrets. I wanted to make sure I did anything & everything...the right way that is. Serving a mission, Marrying in the temple to a Return Missionary, were just a few of those goals.
Then Kalani came into my life...he was the addition to my plan, to my story <3 With him, we added more goals to this plan and although things began to change my goals as a child remained the foundation.
Then the start of this year came and I hit this HUGE speedbump in my life. It made me question every motive, every plan & every goal that I had made. Now I am at a point in my life where most of the motivation is lost and now I have to work even harder to get what I want, to accoplish my goals. I've been questioning my standards lately...wondering if they may be too high. But in all honesty if theres one thing that I know for sure right now its that standards can never be too high because Heavenly Father taught me that I deserve the best <3 & Im apologizing again to everyone who doesnt understand that.
I've reached a point in my life where I realized that I have a lot to work on. A lot of weaknesses that I need to strengthen & a lot of flaws that I need to fix before I make any life changing decisions. I guess I just had this detailed plan in my head of what my life was supposed to be, when it was supposed to happen and who it was supposed to happen with. Now things are changing, causing my plans to fall a part & me to freak out.
I've decided to hold off on my mission plans, just til fall <3 Crazy I know. But I realized that I'm not anywhere near being ready. I know its a huge desire for me but if I want to do it for the right reasons, then I know I need time to gather myself together so that I can fufill my patriarchal blessing where it states that I can become a Spiritual Giant. I want to be able to be the best person I can be and prepare myself spiritually and mentally for His work <3
If theres one thing I have realized through all of this is that it may seem like things are falling out of place to me but maybe to Heavenly Father things are falling INTO place & I just have to keep doing what I have to do so that I can see it. Only He sees the big picture and He knows whats instore for me. That is why I chose to let fate work its course & fall back on some of my plans. Because if things are meant to happen, then it will <3
No more chasing pavements, just chasing the spirit :')
I admire you for being so open about your life plans & the courage to share that some things dont feel right so your going to delay your mission. As an "RM sister" the delay was a bitter sweet thing to read on your post. But if i could give you any advice it would be what an apostle of the Lord told me at a fireside Q&A when I asked, Elder John H Groberg (Elder Kolipoki from the other side of heaven) What would you tell a missionary who's struggling to choose whether or when they should go on a mission? And he said tell them to Go! Decide to Go & then Go. Prepare and keep preparing until it doesnt feel really right but until then keep faithful & GO! You say you'll give it til fall & your right to want to be full prepared but know this no one is ever 100% prepared & no one is perfect. But the great thing abt going is God isnt expecting you to be Christ but that with that desire you have to serve. He is only asking you to serve to the best of your ability & when you fall because we are human & to some degree we all do as missionaries he will be there to heal you w/his atonement, earth angels round bout you to lift you up & billions of ppl. Members & non-members praying that you succeed. So take some pressure off of you now and do what you can, look at the small victories & by april when u look bk they'll be huge blessings. No one is perfect! No one! And no one is worth delaying going on a mission for because once your out there, teaching,being converted and witnessing God's power you will wonder why you didnt serve sooner & God will tell you. I was 23 yrs old when I served in The best mission yet
ReplyDelete{ cuz the one I'll serve w/my future husband will be the best) California L.A Mission this yr its been 10yrs since Ive been home and I think abt my mission everyday. Best decision I have ever made. Love you sis