Ever since I was little I set goals for myself. I set my standards high and I wasn't going to let anything stop me. Why? Because I didn't want to live my life with any regrets. I wanted to make sure I did anything & everything...the right way that is. Serving a mission, Marrying in the temple to a Return Missionary, were just a few of those goals.
Then Kalani came into my life...he was the addition to my plan, to my story <3 With him, we added more goals to this plan and although things began to change my goals as a child remained the foundation.
Then the start of this year came and I hit this HUGE speedbump in my life. It made me question every motive, every plan & every goal that I had made. Now I am at a point in my life where most of the motivation is lost and now I have to work even harder to get what I want, to accoplish my goals. I've been questioning my standards lately...wondering if they may be too high. But in all honesty if theres one thing that I know for sure right now its that standards can never be too high because Heavenly Father taught me that I deserve the best <3 & Im apologizing again to everyone who doesnt understand that.
I've reached a point in my life where I realized that I have a lot to work on. A lot of weaknesses that I need to strengthen & a lot of flaws that I need to fix before I make any life changing decisions. I guess I just had this detailed plan in my head of what my life was supposed to be, when it was supposed to happen and who it was supposed to happen with. Now things are changing, causing my plans to fall a part & me to freak out.
I've decided to hold off on my mission plans, just til fall <3 Crazy I know. But I realized that I'm not anywhere near being ready. I know its a huge desire for me but if I want to do it for the right reasons, then I know I need time to gather myself together so that I can fufill my patriarchal blessing where it states that I can become a Spiritual Giant. I want to be able to be the best person I can be and prepare myself spiritually and mentally for His work <3
If theres one thing I have realized through all of this is that it may seem like things are falling out of place to me but maybe to Heavenly Father things are falling INTO place & I just have to keep doing what I have to do so that I can see it. Only He sees the big picture and He knows whats instore for me. That is why I chose to let fate work its course & fall back on some of my plans. Because if things are meant to happen, then it will <3
No more chasing pavements, just chasing the spirit :')
